A bitter sweet 4th ofJuly

It’s been several months since I wrote. Today seems like a good day as any for a quick update. 

QUARTERLY DOCTORS VISIT:

Every 3 months I go in for an exam and blood work. Generally, it’s a quick in and out.  I had that appointment yesterday. My blood work came back superb. The nurse that took my blood is absolutely skilled phlebotomist. I didn’t feel a thing.

A few weeks ago I was feeling around my body (it’s something I do often to keep notice of any changes) and found a lump. The lump was found (located in the red circle area) in my armpit/shoulder area. She took a look at it and said we should get an ultrasound.  It’s tomorrow morning at 8 am.  

ONE YEAR LATER

Here’s where the plot thickens, and the nerves set in. It dawned on me I’m approaching the 1-year mark. Let me consult my magic box (my phone). Went back through my calendar.  I kid you not, July 5th, 2022 was my mammogram that started the cancer journey. TOMORROW! A pit in my stomach quickly formed. 

EAR, NOSE, AND THROAT REFERRAL

What else… I’ve been referred to an ENT.  Hoarseness comes and goes. They did an ultrasound on my thyroid. There was a small spot within the “normal” range. My question will be, even if it’s under the normal range is it bigger than it was last year during my CT scan? Aug 8th will be my first appointment. 

HAIR

I had my mom cut my hair last week.  I had no idea how much it was going to mean to me to have a hairstyle that wasn’t chemo. After I realized that I trimmed the top, and now my chemo curls are gone. While they were super cute it was a reminder.  I feel like what I have is my old hair texture. 

CHEST CAST

I did a breast cast prior to my surgery. They have been in our garage slowly crumbling. I wanted to get them reinforced and prepared for painting. Consulting the internet I saw that water-based plaster is the way to go. I did the inside and outside.  Once fully dry I’ll sand it to be smooth. After that I want my daughter to paint them prior to sealing the cast. The funny thing is, we had so much material we did a cast with a bra on and one without. 

I’ll be doing an update once I’ve received the results.

SCAN UPDATE:

The lump that I had an ultrasound on came back as swollen muscle tissue. Looking at a diagram, I’m guessing it’s the pec minor muscle where it connects under the collar bone.  As you can imagine everything along my chest wall feels completely different as it once did.  I’m just glad it was nothing.  They didn’t even make me wait for the results to come through My Chart. They waited for the tech to read it before I even left the hospital.

RIBS/BONES:

Not having any breast tissue allows me to feel my muscles and ribs that I never could before.  Hence the reason I got nervous finding a lump.

Shortly after surgery, my chest felt so vulnerable. Not just because of the incision but because things like my heart felt so vulnerable no longer having padding from my breasts. 

I’m relearning what the new normal feels like. Starting at my collar bone I can feel every rib. My sternum protrudes a lot more than I ever knew and the lower part of my ribs flare out from when I was pregnant with my girls.

FUN FACT: During pregnancy, our ribs and hips expand to allow space for the baby. Unlike a uterus, the bones never return to their original position.  Hence the reason my rib cage looks like a mini ski slope at the bottom.

CHEST TATTOO

It’s not a secret that now that I’m boobless I can go topless without it being considered indecent exposure.  It’s so silly to think a nipple makes it indecent.  While my scars don’t bother me I knew I was going to get a chest tattoo once I was cleared. I knew exactly who I wanted to do it, Alice at Wonderland PDX.  The problem being you have to apply and be chosen to work with her.  When I saw her books were opening I filled out the application, basically stating “I’ll keep applying until she approves me because a breast cancer tattoo is too important to settle for anyone else”. 

She picked me, and I’m beyond thrilled. I attached samples of her work to show you just how amazing she is. It’s going to be expensive but worth every penny.  She’s estimating 2 full-day sessions. 

I’m hoping I’m still pretty numb so that it won’t hurt as bad but hearing other ladies share their stories I’m not so certain.  Especially knowing how easily I can feel my ribs. 

OLD CALCULATOR TRICK THAT APPLIES NOW:

There was a lady who wore a size 69 bra.

That was 2, 2, 2 big.

She went to 51st Street to see Dr X who gave her 8 surgeries, which left her BOOBLESS.

6922251 x 8 = 55378008

Turn the calculator upside down when you read the answer 👍