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The struggle is real – GRAPHIC IMAGES

INFECTIONS

I’m 3 months post-surgery and still dealing with infections.  Wed I was put on my 3rd round of antibiotics. Things clear up and a short period later it comes back.  

The day before Thanksgiving had to be my worst yet.  The swelling was fierce!  Mike and I were on the fence all night about whether to go to the ER or not.   The doctor said to go to the ER if my fever got up to 100.4. Our thermometer was bouncing around between 99.5-102.5.  Basically, they don’t want me to go septic.  

From the very beginning, I had this small pinhole that hadn’t closed which allowed bacteria to gain access.  After the second bout of infection, a larger hole opened up. Now that hole is much larger and a 3rd hole has opened. 

The image with the circles is how things looked after infection #2. The rest are from infection #3. 

The biggest issue is my wounds can’t heal because chemo is killing all the good and bad cells not allowing them to heal. 

I know the images are graphic and I’m posting them because I’m trying to be as REAL through this process as I can. It may help you understand what going through breast cancer looks like. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

The plan is to keep me on antibiotics for another week. My last infusion is Wed and hopefully, I can start feeling better. 

INFUSION #3

Infusions 1 and 2 were very similar yet #3 has been completely different. For the first two infusions, I had bone pain, fatigue, and a metallic taste for a good week after the infusion, but in the following 2 weeks, I started to feel better and regain my taste. 

This 3rd time around I had zero bone pain. Wahoo! Great! The fatigue has been nonstop, off and on headaches, and my taste never returned. That’s pretty shitty when your husband cooks an amazing Thanksgiving dinner and you can’t taste much. I also need to add that last week my lower teeth started to hurt. 

One symptom that has been consistent since the beginning is my eyes twitching aggressively.   I go through these bouts of twitches that pretty much force my eyes to close until all the twitching passes.  Sounds like fun, huh?!?! I know you’re jealous. 

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

In less than 48 hrs I will have completed my final chemo infusion and RING THAT BELL!! For those battling cancer, the ringing of a bell signifies a great accomplishment. It means the end of a tough chapter of chemotherapy and/or radiation and the beginning of a new one. Healing!

While surgery removed Toby for certain the chemo kills any cells in the body that may be floating around that are undetectable to any scans.  That means there’s no scan to tell me it’s all gone I just have to believe it is. 

There will still be a second surgery to correct a few areas but that won’t be for a while. I need to fully heal before they cut me back open.

THE REALITY

Just because treatment is almost done there’s a looming fear for years to come. Being triple negative I have a higher chance of reoccurrence within 5 years! Yes, you heard that right! I think that’s the scariest part. The what ifs. What if it comes back?!?! This time in a location that might not be found as easily.  Breast cancer has the highest-funded cancer research which I benefited from.   What if I get cancer again? Will they have just as successful studies? Again all these what if’s. 

For five years every little cough, pain, or ache will have me questioning it. Is it back??? So while treatment is nearing its end I’ll still have to heal this stupid incision and work my way back to being 100%. The mental healing will take much longer.

There will forever be a timeline of before I had cancer and after. 

PS ~ If you have any questions please feel free to ask.